C and I have been communicating a lot more, which is nice. Now that we’re both older (more so me than her) it seems like I can just relate to her better. This same sort of thing happened with Mai and all my sisters since we are so far apart in age.
Looking back, it was hard being young and trying to act like an adult to someone else. I tried for a while (particularly up until C was in 1st grade), but at some point I think I gave up and mentally ran away – partially under the guise of “kids never listen to their parents anyway” and “I have no control over the situation” – but that was just me turning to my favorite defense mechanism (DENIAL!) again.
Thinking of how my mom has influenced me, I know that it is untrue. You don’t realize it until you get to know your parents better that you are a very good reflection of parts of them.
Luckily, P was there to be C’s rock in her early years and I (at the very least) imparted what I thought were my best traits on her. P thanked me today for “taking care of the important stuff like relationships and school” but I feel like we’re just tag teaming.
Him being present for her childhood meant that I had the luxury of living out the rest of mine when we were 18, something I feel extremely lucky, selfish, and guilty about. I’m so glad he’s found B and can start to explore the world again. It’s his turn to play, although I’m not sure he quite knows how. : P