Hi! I’m Tamaki, an axolotl currently living in captivity in a lab at Saigon University. I’m the lab pet and everyone LOVES me, perhaps because of my unique coloring – purplish pink! That also might be why I was kept alive and not used for research. Eek! Or perhaps it’s my dashing personality and ability to listen to people – I understand (you can see it in my eyes) but never talk back and I never tell a soul what is told to me. Mum’s the word with me, that’s how you build trust!
A lot of people come in and out of my lab, some drop in for a few months and never come back. Very sad-making for me sometimes. However, three have remained consistent in my life and have always come back! I guess you can say they are my caretakers. Nick is the head of the lab – he’s very stern and serious, rigid and inflexible about his work. A lot of people don’t like him because of this, but I get where he’s coming from. His work could save lives someday so he takes it very seriously. He’s probably the reason I’m still alive today as he’s the only one in the lab that could allow a pet. Bobby comes in every night and cleans the lab – he’s really handsome, charming and funny and works really hard too. And then there is my favorite, Tina! She feeds me. If it were left up to Nick, I’d be a bag of sticks and cartilage right now. She also gives me lots of snacks: brine shrimp, blood cubes, California blackworms, you name it. I can tell that she really loves me. What’s not to love?!
Speaking of love, I’m no love expert, but I think this is how it goes. Bobby loves Tina, Tina loves Nick, and Nick loves… well, his work. And me. Why else would he have saved me from the perils of lab experimentation?
That kind of love is different from the love Bobby has for Tina. They have been friends since childhood and he’s always had a secret crush on her. She was actually the person who got him this lab cleaning job when he was down on his luck. He’s a serial entrepreneur but the problem is he’s always just too damn nice and trusting. Perhaps because he lost his dad at a young age and his mom sent him to go live among the priests at a convent. He’s been cheated and scammed by his business partners so many times that he’s become disheartened and has temporarily given up on any of those entrepreneurial dreams for the time being. He’s gone back to a type of monastic life of living simply and appreciating what he has. His “friendship” with Tina being one of those things. He’s never expressed his romantic love for her outwardly, but she can tell it’s there. Although she generally tries to be in denial about it most of the time because those feelings are unrequited. It’s complicated. She cares for him a lot: he’s her best friend, her confidante, the person she is most comfortable with. Like your favorite pair of socks. But she has her heart set on Nick. And for a really stupid reason, I’d tell ya.
One day while they were working in the lab late together, Nick asked if she wanted to go grab a quick bite and then return to the lab. As they were leaving they both reached for the door and his hand landed on hers, completely cupping it. This is the first time they had ever physically touched and although it could have meant nothing to Nick, to Tina it was everything. She felt her heart flutter. You see, Tina grew up in a very strict family with an overbearing, hovering mother. Her dad had passed away when she was a child and her mom was left to raise her with the help of her large extended family. Not only were they Catholic, but they were also Vietnamese. Which meant that a girl’s innocence was of the utmost importance to maintain. She wasn’t allowed to date until after college, or speak to boys for that matter, she wasn’t allowed to watch anything that had kissing scenes, and she wasn’t allowed to wear any clothing that showed her shoulders or legs. And being the goody-two-shoes that she was, she happily abided by these rules. All except for one, she loved watching romcoms and would secretly watch them at night on her laptop while her mom was sleeping. Some of her favorite movies to name a few were When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Annie Hall.
So you can see why this simple interaction with a man she looked up to and admired so deeply for his work threw her for a loop. After that, they would often go grab quick dinners together when working late. She thought of these as little dates and would look forward to them, disillusioned by the romantic comedy plots she was so fond of. He wasn’t dating anyone else (mainly because he was so obsessed with his work and didn’t have time for it) so he enjoyed her company – it was easy and convenient for him. She took this as a sign of commitment and fidelity even though he had never openly expressed his feelings to her, she knew deep down inside that he cared for her. Why else would he invite her out to dinner every night? She enjoyed working beside him in the lab toward the same, bigger cause and felt connected to him for this reason. Plus she found his mad-scientist vibes to be super sexy.
So now that you have everyone’s background, let’s get to the real part of the story. I’d say more about Nick, but honestly, even though he’s like a father to me I don’t know him that well. He doesn’t talk to me much, but that’s okay – I know he loves me. He’s just too busy doing more important things. Sometimes I think about how it involves killing my fellow axolotls and it’s a bit frightening. I try to push that all to the back of my cute little head. But I digress – on with the story.
One day, I saw Papa Nick look at me and stare at me for a loooooong time. It seemed like forever and was kind of awkward. I just continued to do my thing, hamming up how much I loved that bloodcube he had just given me. I wonder what he was thinking while looking at me so intently. And then Tina came in and started arguing with him. I couldn’t quite get the entire story but she was trying to convince him not to do something. She kept saying “Don’t do this, it’s not going to make a difference.” And then she pointed at me and said “But look at him, he’s so cute!” I thought to myself, this is not looking good for me. Did Nick want to use me as a research specimen? I thought he loved me, but it turns out I was just as disillusioned about Nick as Tina was. From what I could gather from the rest of their conversation, he had only kept me alive all this time because I exhibited special qualities that would be useful to his research at some point and the time had come. If I could insert an emoji here, it would be that crying one. Not the one with just one tear, but the one with two thick blue lines of tears streaming down, mouth wide open – the shocked, sobbing one!
They argued for a while longer. I half expected Tina to say something drastic and dramatic like “I’m going to break up with you if you do this.” But alas, she said none of that for I know she did not love me as much as she loved him. But she also was still not privy to it all – just a lost, convoluted, naive soul so I could not blame her. They both left for yet on another disillusioned dinner date.
I sat there for a long time in existential turmoil. Thinking to myself about how odd life is, we’re all in our little cages: thinking our own realities represent the truth, thinking that we know others and we understand the world. But we know so little about each other – even those we are close to. And sometimes we even know less about ourselves. We see what we want to see. I had always thought I was special – the special purplish pink kind, cute and coveted. But it wasn’t that at all. They had just kept me for their own purposes. And we do that a lot, we all serve some sort of purpose for one another. And it’s nice when it results in mutual happiness, but many times it’s one-sided. Especially in these types of caretaker relationships where it’s hard to parse out sometimes because of the huge difference in power dynamic between caretaker and caretakee.
And so I had gone through all the steps – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and as I was starting to lull my way into acceptance – Bobby comes in! It was time for his nightly shift. I was so happy to see him knowing that it might have been my last. I ran to the glass and smushed my little face on it and he smiled back at me. He probably thought I was just asking for a treat, but I really was just saying my goodbyes. Then something strange happened. A huge, strong hand descended upon me and lifted me out of my cage. I was then carefully placed into his pocket where he had put some cushy cotton balls for me to lay on, it was like floating on a cloud. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven. Thankfully not literally! I knew better than to squirm around and stayed very very still. For the rest of the night, I went around with Nick cleaning the rest of the labs. A bit of a bumpy ride, but I enjoyed myself. Listening to the soundtrack of his humming while he cleaned and occasionally talking to me or to himself. I didn’t care. I finally was out of my cage, not even realizing up until that moment I had ever been inside of one. Queue my favorite song from the Killers – “Coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine. Gotta, gotta be down because I want it all!” La la la la…
I fell asleep dreaming of my future, new life with Bobby. When I woke up, we were at Bobby’s place. I heard a familiar woman’s voice. It was Tina! Apparently she was the one that told Bobby to save me. How else would he have known that I was about to become research minced meat? She gave me a brine shrimp snack and I lived happily ever after in my new, shiny cage.