lots to do this week. haven’t written for a while.
so 1 month sober, woohoo. i feel accomplished. didn’t actually think i would ever do it. in the past, even the thought of it just deterred. a lot of it was social though — the fear that situations would not be lubricated enough. but this month has proven that even though it can get a bit draggy and tiring, it’s all good. sometimes it’s nice to be the only clear-thinking person in the room. but it can also suck — not because of wanting to be a part of the group, but people can just be annoying when they are drunk and you are not. and it’s not them, it’s just them talking about the same topic over and over again or being overemphatic about things that are really not that interesting (to me). it’s a nice realization though and it’s all totally fine. just a different experience, it’s good to have a range of experiences in one’s life so i’m not complaining. if anything, thank you for allowing me to experience these things. helps me understand the human psyche better as well as my own.
i’m looking out the window right now, sitting at my sacramento desk. vision board in front of me on the screen — i really like it this year, owl, water, daisies and all. outside the lemon tree leaves are swaying in the wind. a few lemons still remain at the top of the tree having escaped e’s harvesting wrath only to eventually fall to it’s fate anyway. sky is blue, sunny, yet it looks cold. the world seems as it should be and life is good.