Hello,
Sorry, I couldn’t really have a full on conversation earlier. I also find it hard to just conjure up in words what I’ve been up to cause in essence it just involves a bunch of random thoughts so when people ask “what’s new” or “how are you” some generic answer just comes about. “Doh, I’m fine.”
But generally, I’ve been thinking a lot about the phases of life (perhaps sparked by my daughter’s graduation) and have been reminiscing about the phases of my life and the people how have come and gone and (thankfully) stayed. I’ve been also thinking about my parents lives and how it has come and to some degree gone. You see people in a certain moment but you have to realize that there were several moments that got them to that moment in which you see and share with them – old ancient worlds you could never know of. Worlds in which they were once alive and full of youth, but won’t share because they are too ashamed to admit their wrong doings. I have to be careful not to become like that, but who likes admitting their wrongdoings in the first place?
I’ve been thinking a lot about old age and I’m not sure how to age gracefully as it slowly creeps up on you, it becomes a bit more scary although I try to fight this fear as much as I can. How I don’t want it to come to me. I also see people walk around and think that we are just leading these lives like little effing ants day in and day out. People crossing streets, driving cars, waiting for trains, staring at phones, talking about nothing. Even if we break free of this ant dome and move to another one, is there really an escape? It’s just more of the same thing, but different. I try to keep myself entertained but I’m getting kind of tired of it.
I’ve been watching Golden Girls – trivial to but helps me understand old people problems and makes them seem less foreign.
that’s me in a nutshell. hope you’re doing more better. i’ve also been sick the past few days which also tends to put me in a sullen mood. that’s probably the crux of this message. i hate being sick. it reminds of how useless one can be.