natalie says you should write your dreams down so here goes.
last night i dreamt that i was in a girl band, i had spent the latter half of the night binge watching moonbyul videos who i have a SERIOUS girl crush on. in the dream at some point we were writing on a chalk board and i kept erasing my mess-ups with my finger. then i came up with the idea of a finger eraser — two pieces of felt sewn together that is a simple shape that can be worn on your finger so you don’t have to pick up the eraser every time you want to erase something. do teachers even use chalk or whiteboards any more? anyway, i think i just want to think of something small, simple and useful like that to contribute to the world.
ok onto the weird part. i also dreamt that R & e (although e did not look like e) had come back to the states and i was totally surprised. this actually happens irl quite often so not a surprise. but they were on some sort of mission to look for something. perhaps more of my own projection of me looking for something and not quite know what it is yet. i feel like of most people i know, they seem to have their ‘ish’ together or are at least starting the journey to doing what they want to do long term in life. any who, they were in this huge spaceship that was teeter tottering on the edge of a cliff and they were trying to maintain it, trying to not let it fall. i haven’t talked to R in a while, and i think i sometimes worry about him but i’m going to keep some space. he says he’s doing good and i’m going to believe that and just be happy for him. he once told me that you should focus on things that only you can do and so i guess i should focus on things here cause only i can be here right now. no use in fidgeting with things so far away until it comes closer again.
flash to another scene and i see R sitting there but for some reason choose to not go up to him to say ‘hi’ — strange of me, but also normalish depending on my feelings and thoughts at the time, circumstance, how close he’s been to me. when i finally did get around to walking his way, i said hi but then went to take a nap. he was sitting with a really mangy mutt (i like the word mangly better but apparently it’s not a word), apparently he had started some dog rescue or something. he asked me to watch the dog while he went to go help e with the ship. he told me the dog was really nice and that i should pet him. i didn’t want to come off a certain way so i sat next to it but in reality i didn’t want to touch the dog at all because it was so gross, had skin issues and warts, etc. maybe i’m a shallow, horrible person. or maybe i just have a big pussy scrape on my knee that is causing me pain and i just want it to go away.