w&p — a lot about infinitesimally small moving individual motivations and how the major players in the world are just a coincidence/bi-product of them. and i suppose this is true, we all make our own decisions based on our personal values, goals, upbringing, inputs, outputs. can anyone person ever be blamed? and so yet, another philosopher who speaks of the lack of will. we’re all just moving parts. started listening to watts – the world just peopling.
i should make it a point to spend more time with my mom, maybe watercolor together or do projects together.
start once a week dinners with C again
the plan journal really works, i felt much more calm and composed yesterday. it’s really easy to go off course from processes when ish hits the fan. just don’t do it. and stressing about things that aren’t done doesn’t help. just still need to get things done one thing at a time. point is to not overload oneself which is easier said than done. i’m super excited to finally be serious and not scared of hiring someone. it’s the first risky big move i’ve done in years, possibly actually having to go back into debt is a big fear of mine. it was so hard to get out of it. but this is good debt i have to tell myself. life-changing debt. E constantly telling me that runaway inflation is going to make the world collapse isn’t helping but that’s another story.
i’m super proud of C and am really happy that she is moving out at such a young age. something we could not do and it really seems like there is generational progress. i see how helpful it is when roots have been laid down and spread to younger generations. each generation just getting a little better and progressing. maybe at some point my parents thought of that for me. although i don’t think they’ve ever admitted or said they are proud of us. maybe they are too lost in their willow wallowing sorrows to recognize? maybe they are a little bit proud but just don’t say. which is all fine, i know i wasn’t perfect — but i still think i have contributed to the progression.