not gonna lie, i’m pretty bored in sacramento. part of it could be that burb life, but i think it’s also all i do is work here. it’s tax season after all. you would think there would be no time for boredom. and i have lots of things i could do — read, write, play little nightmares. so what makes it different from oakland. is it still the feeling of displacement? it’s not home. it’s like being on a trip with nothing to do. maybe i should try thinking of it more like ‘home’ for the time being. but how to make the shift? the mind needs to be stronger.
my dad told me he’s not talking to my mom anymore due to something she said back in december. no idea what it could have been, he said it was so vulgar he could not even repeat it. but this has always been the problem. talking but not openly talking. a whole generation who has hidden behind their social norms and suffered for it. i find my mom to be much easier to approach — hard to deal with, easy to approach.
mind is a bit scattered today, writing is a bit hard — not flowing. got a 90+ score on both readiness and sleep but still groggy. too much to do maybe, just want to get on with it. but this activity is to just write whatever, so here it is and it’s just whatevers. can’t be good every day.
i started browsing on amazon and caught myself, maybe also a sign of my mental state. wonder how meditating would go right now? feels uneasy. 12 seconds left. four five seconds to wildin’