#1
day 6 in iowa and i’m starting to feel the differences much more. a lot more quiet and you really have to be creative and proactive about doing things. in the bay (also because my life is there) things just pop up and fall into place. there’s usually too much to do. also remember what it’s like to be a kid and have no car or options unless your parent takes you somewhere. so many kids with busy parents who don’t, just end up watching tv at home alone. i should be thankful for my mom back then. she always took us out on weekends. we would go to san jose (lion’s plaza) and walk around. eating, visiting vietnamese music shops, buying little knick knacks or star paper. kinda miss those days now that i think about it. days where it was fun for me to do those things with my mom, days where i was excited to do things with her. i used to love wearing the clothes she sewed. and in some way she hasn’t stopped. she still makes us stuff. trying to pinpoint it back to a certain point in time where my mentality changed from all that. was it due to her constant nagging and yelling and overbearingness or was it just due to me growing up and taking those things for granted. i wonder if my mom noticed the shift, or was it too gradual to notice. just a bunch of little negative happenings that lead us to stop spending time together as a family. for as long as i can remember, i don’t remember my dad ever coming along. i think when 151177, 17781, and I stopped she continued to take 781771 and 68744. i wonder when that stopped. thinking of her sitting at home alone, with nothing to do and no one to take out is sadmaking. and it’s something i just unrealizingly let pass by… 🙁