#3
i’m thinking of how fcking tired i am right now and how i have so much work to do. woke up at 2:30, should not drink after 9. i’m thinking of how hard it is to concentrate when your mind is swollen. i’m thinking of the fact that i’ve poisoned myself once again. not hungover, but poisoned myself out of sleep — not sure which feeling is worse. i’m thinking of my empty stomach, how pewp can weigh more than a lb. why is lb. the shortcut for pounds? i should look it up, or should i? why does it matter. i’m thinking of making myself a sammich, keto bread and salami. i’m thinking of spain, of spending time with e. i’m thinking of how it won’t be how i imagine, it never is. i think that is exciting. i’m thinking of the work i need to do before then and how hard it is to find help. i’m thinking of everything that everyone wants, we’re all walking balls of motivation, bouncing every which way, toward away into each other. i’m thinking of not wanting to be bumped anymore, it was fun for a while, but it’s time to move on. i’m thinking of when is this ten minutes going to end, did i even set the alarm? i’m thinking of asking google but will continue. i’m thinking of what i will create on dall-e today. i still consider it art. little baby ai art. come from you, into the world, and gives you something back. i’m thinking of why didn’t the lady card me yesterday? but why should i expect to look like i’m 21 when i’m actually 41? seems extremely unrealistic. i’m thinking of aging gracefully. and how i don’t want to accept it yet. blue mascara, sparkly eyeliner. vitamin c vitamin a. google says i have 1 min and 40 secs to go. 10 minutes is a long time when your brain feels squeezed. pressure on the top, front cranky baby today for sure. i’m thinking of having to continue to write and i’m really out of brain juice. pew pew pew.
